The guys over at Right Field Bleachers usually do a great job. I know I can go to the site for a solid breakdown of what going around the horn about the Crew. Also, I often agree with their opinions — for example, that Ned Yost haters need to simmer down now and that Geoff Jenkins deserves a warm welcome when he returns to Milwaukee with the Phils.
But there were some statements in their “Game-Day Pet Peeves” which I found highly objectionable.
1. “The Wave – How is anyone still amused by the wave? It was tired in the 1970s. Yet, people still marvel as it winds around the stadium just like it has 10 billion times before. They actually pay more attention to fans standing up and sitting back down than the game they paid to see… I’ve noticed that “wave initiators” have had more trouble starting it up in recent years…
- The only thing possibly more tired than the wave is complaining about the wave — and if you’re still on that tip, you’re missing the boat (booyah!) The Wave is an example of why the state of Wisconsin fandom has no equal: We take your tired traditions, and we do them way better than you could even ever fucking dream.
- Oh, you tailgate? That’s nice. Do you bring your 12-person beer bong? No? Oh, you all wear the same color? Cute! Do you Jump Around? No? Oh. How about singing some “Buttercup?” Don’t do that either, huh.
- A Wisconsin Wave is like the Slam Dunk Contest of the Wave. Do it slow. Fast. Put your thing down, flip it and reverse it. Also, if initiators have had a harder time hanging ten in recent years, why are people still complaining about it? I think what you’re really seeing is a Tipping Point for a successful Wave — if attendance at the Park is under 35,000 (roughly 82 percent full) it’s not going to happen. The post also seems to forget when Miller Park hosted an Angels-Indians season last year, and the players practically stopped the game to stare in awe at Milwaukee’s surfing skills.
- Wave initiators are often children. See points 3 and 4.
2. The “You Suck” or “He’s a Bum” Chanters – Sick burn, brahs. Just so you know, when the guy turns around to look at you, it’s not because you’re getting in his head. It’s because he wants to see the losers who actually still use those tired chants.
- This RFB post seems to think the people doing these chants are all fratty douchbag guys, and that the chant doesn’t completely demoralize the opposition. That reminds me of the legendary Simpsons episode “Homer at the Bat,” in which Marge tells the kids to stop taunting Darryl Strawberry because it’s not nice. “Relax, mom,” Lisa says as Daarrrr-rrrryyylll weeps, “These guys are professional athletes — this sort of thing rolls right off their backs.”
- The RFB poster was certainly not around when my friends and I as young lads — way before I was a fratty douche bag — got ’88 Brewers rookie and then-Dodger Gary Sheffield (“Milwaukee wasn’t my kind of town. Milwaukee wasn’t my kind of team. Far as I was concerned, Milwaukee was hell.”) so irritated he got himself thrown out of a game at County Stadium. Gary, you suck.
3. In-And-Out Fans – Almost every game there is a fan that leaves 40 times during the game to get food, go to the bathroom, go to the FanZone, talk to a fan in another section, etc. I don’t think I have to explain this one.
- Listen, this Bloody Mary is not going to refill itself.
- This point also contradicts something later on in the post: “Baseball is the ultimate family sport.” If so, then biggest “in-and-out” offenders are definitely families. Who has to get food and go to the bathroom more than a parent with a brood of young Brewers? At the second home game of the season, a dad was actually apologizing to me for passing by with his kid. “He doesn’t like the fireworks,” he said as he shuffled by before the bottom of the 1st inning, with a (literally) snot-nosed kid in tow. “Sorry to bother you.” “Absolutely not,” I said. Then to the kid: “You don’t like fireworks?” Later the kid asked me if the fireworks were over. “Yep. Unless they hit a home run.” Again the dad apologized. Whatever, man. You’ve got cute kids. Just don’t expect me to watch my language.
4. Swearing in front of kids – … Parents shouldn’t have to worry about sitting next to tools that can’t watch their language.
- Go fuck yourself.
- Saying you shouldn’t swear at baseball games is like saying you should cheer at baseball games. Perhaps we should all return to the purple prose of yesteryear or just take up with an old timey game like Cone-Bone. “I say, Abner, give me the cranks, birds and bugs over these loyal rooters any day. Now let’s see if our apple-hurler can blow it by their stick-masher.”
- Who will initiate the “Asshole” chant around a cadre of Cubsfans if not for the children?
- What the fuck, Ump?! Are you fucking blind?! What are you staring at, lady? Oh, so now I’m the asshole? Go fuck yourself.
In conclusion, don’t be a hater.