Lemme Upgrade U

I love to tell the story, again and again, about my mom meeting a bunch of other moms who all had kids who attended the University of Wisconsin (Madison). According to her retelling, all the other parents were like, “Oh, my kid came back from Madison and was suddenly so liberal…” Then they turned to my mom. “Carla, haven’t you found that?” And she had to explain that “No… he was pretty out there from the beginning.”

But being liberal — i.e., not conservative — isn’t just about politics to me. It’s about welcoming, and not resisting, Change. Because sometimes change is fun for the sake of something different, and sometimes it’s a big upgrade.

For example, I walked over to the Park for the game last night — by myself, like a loser — with 400-level tickets…

But before I reached the bridge carrying I-94 over the Park’s north driveway, a dude in a forest green minivan rolled up.

“’ey, you need tickets?”

“No thanks, man!”

“Well, here… maybe somebody up there needs them.”

Yoink! OK, keep walking, be cool… These tickets are for section 225! That’s better than section 422, f’sure. I spent the rest of the walk to the Park examining the gifted tickets to make sure they weren’t fake. I got to the turnstile, and my ticket scanned.


I grabbed a chorizo dog, and before I could sit down my friend Becky text’d me that there were empty seats near her party in section 125. Upgrade!

About the game… it was one of those games that makes you believe that these boys can really turn this thing around. Last night illustrated baseball’s unique propensity for redemption. Dave “Bushville” Bush (who has been sucking) pitched very well despite giving up two early runs. The Crew never felt like the were out of the game, and their pitching staff kept it close, for a change.

At this point Paulie — P-Haus, P-Funk Parliament, Paulie Walnuts, MC P. Pants — came down from his job waiting on the upper echelon of spectators at the Convertible Confines. J.J. Hardy (who has been sucking) got a freak hit with the bases loaded (after they walked a dude who to tie the game. The ball bounced 20 feet in the area after hitting the pitcher’s mound and then died on the infield. Evvvverybody was safe.

Then in the bottom of the 9th Bill Hall (who has been sucking so hard lately he was benched in favor of a minor league players) came in as a pinch hitter. He got a broken bat single, advanced to second on a bunt, and then with Mike Cameron ahead in the count 3-0… stole third! Bill Hall stole third!

“Ahhhh!!! They didn’t even see him!” Paulie screamed.

Cameron slapped a shallow pop-up to center, and everybody knew Bill Hall tagging up and coming home. The crowd surged as he picked up steam, and blew up as he avoided the tag and slapped home, FTW. It was thrilling.

Bill Hall, ladies and gentlemen. Bill. Hall. Billy Hall!


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